I get it. The word hate is a very loaded term. It is one thing to hate exercising or cleaning house. But it is something different to say you “hate” a co-worker. Let’s come up with a term that is a little softer. I like the term LLP. Not Limited Liability Partnership as in the business sense but Least Liked Person. We all have LLPs. In fact, it might be a bit of a spoiler alert, but you or I might be someone else’s LLP. That can be quite hurtful. What can we do about it?
Identify the Root Cause. What is about your co-worker that bothers you? Is it their appearance? Did they steal your lunch two years ago? Take the time to understand the underlying reason for your emotions. Is it genuine or merely a figment of your imagination?
Assess the Impact. Consider how your emotions affect your interactions with the co-worker. Are you unable to suspend judgment and collaborate effectively? Have you intentionally responded slower to their requests or avoided their phone calls? Do you believe your work is negatively impacted? If you don’t think your work is negatively impacted by poor relationships, think again. People notice.
Seek a Different Perspective. Sometimes, we overlook the truth. We interpret situations in a way that suits our preferences. Share your challenge with a friend. Most people tend to share stories that align with their own perspective, omitting facts that might make them appear unfavorable. Before sharing the situation, reflect on those “unfavorable” facts and ensure they are part of the narrative. Ask yourself, “What could I have done differently?” You may receive a vastly different response than presenting only half the story and asking, “Don’t you agree this person is a jerk?”
Empathy is Essential. Empathy is a concept we crave but struggle to give. Reflect on the last time you received empathy from someone. How did it feel? Did you truly deserve it? We all have challenging days. Cultivating empathy skills is the unsung secret to building better relationships.
Navigate the Interactions. If possible, create distance between you and the other person. In the short term, you may need to minimize interactions. Depending on the situation, you might have to establish boundaries or involve your manager or HR department if the situation doesn’t improve.
Own Your Role: Reflect on your actions and consider whether you could have said or done differently to defuse the situation. In hindsight, you might realize that your response was based on misinformation or personal bias.
Welcome the Better: Ask yourself, “What would it feel like if I could work with this person again?” How much better would your work and home life be if you could repair this relationship? If you doubt that poor work relationships impact your home life, reconsider. The path to “the better” is often the most uncomfortable, requiring hard work, acknowledging your role in the situation, and perhaps delivering a sincere apology. It is easy to go down the path of avoidance and gossip, but that road is crowded with people performing poorly due to poor work relationships.
If you’ve noticed the key words above, they can serve as a helpful reminder of each step. Here’s the takeaway: R.I.S.E.N.O.W. Welcome the better and be your best.
Kevin Prescott, J.D.,SPHR is a principal at the Sharbeck Consulting Group serving clients and individuals to achieve their strategic goals with professional development and training.